Death

My Hero doesn't want me to share this.  I killed a mouse in the kitchen by pinching it between the countertop and the wall.  He thinks I'm a superhero for killing the mouse.  He just doesn't want everyone to know that we have mice.  Well, the secret is out.  There are mice in New York City.  

I have killed lots of cockroaches.  They almost drove me out of New York in my first three weeks living here, but I have grown bold.  When necessary, I smash them with my bare fists.  I always hit them so hard that I won't feel the squish.  No matter how they die I always think, That's a fitting death for a cockroach.  

I have never personally killed a mouse before.  I've caught them with traps or pesticide.  Once I found a mouse drowned in my dishes that had been soaking overnight like Anne of Green Gables and the uncovered pudding.  Of course, I had to wash everything again with a new sponge and extra hot water.  We had a mostly-dead suffering mouse that My Hero put in a bag and windowsill whacked it out of it's misery. 

Today, was a surprise.  I was trying to scare the mouse away.   It won't be an impressive story to tell while waiting in line for mouse judgement.  Not like being swooped up by a hawk or some other natural predator.  Star thought leaving the corpse there for an hour or two would be a good lesson to any other mice that might be living behind our refrigerator.  That's so ancient Assyria, but I didn't want to dispose of it myself.  I waited for My Hero.  I think he is a superhero.  

My Polish super tells me there is only one mouse in the building, so we're all good.  If there were any other mice, they would have packed their bags and would be waiting until I finish this post and go to bed to sneak under the door and across the hall to try their luck in a new place.  Despite the ignominious death, Squeaky Cheeky is in a new place, too.  I wish him and the others well...well away from here. 

High Five

Tagged again!

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:

-Living in my in-law's basement
-Waiting for baby #2
-Teaching Young Women's
-Praying for My Hero to obtain life sustaining employment in New York
-Envisioning a one room apartment where we'd have to sleep in a family loft over a tiny kitchen

5 things on my To-Do list today:
-Watch the inauguration of Barack Obama
-Sledding
-Library
-Laundry
-Occupational therapy for Mermaid

5 snacks that I LOVE:
-Chocolate 

-Potato rolls spread with Nutella
-Hummus/Salsa/Guacamole with corn chips and possibly vegetables
-Sliced peaches and cottage cheese
-Citrus fruits

5 things I would do if I were a Billionaire

If I were a Billionaire I wouldn't limit myself to five main things.  The first things I would do if wealth came suddenly are:

-Go to My Hero's work, call him down to the lobby, kidnap him to the hotel across the street, seduce him and eavesdrop while he called his supervisor to tell her that he would never be coming back again...ever

-Buy a waffle iron and make waffles for the kids for breakfast while we talk about our plans of where to go and what to do with all that money

-Fill out the paperwork for all their U.S. and Finnish passports

-Park the van in a garage and never worry about alternate side parking again

-Take all available relatives on a domestic cruise while we wait for our passports

Too much Twilight?

Sparkle told me that her Sunday school classmates were talking about what they wanted to eat for breakfast. Each child in turn giggled, “Underwear.” You might think the teachers would be pleased to hear a different response from our six year old until she said, “Blood.”

Secrets

My sister, Plainbellied, has tagged me to share some secrets to dealing with insecurities as part of her New Year's Resolution Kick-off Extravaganza. Part One involves sharing secrets to dealing with insecurities. Part Two is for listing something that I already feel good about.


PART ONE

1. Regularly acknowledging God and our relationship to each other.

2. Noticing how much I've progressed over years. I change too slowly to notice in a few weeks or months, but if I look back over the past 5, 10 or 15 years my heart actually has changed significantly followed by my behavior.

3. Remembering that I have eternity to become. Maybe I only have a few talents now and I may have even defined myself by those talents at some points in my life, but eventually I will master all virtues and disciplines. I believe the promise that I can obtain all that the Father hath through the mercy of the Savior including being a whiz at marine biology and a master architect, chef, musician, servant, comedian... everything. Practicing developing skills now in one or two areas now will allow me to expand into other areas in the future. The point of this part is that I know I will have it all eventually, so I'm trying not to get caught up in comparisons or rushing or ever thinking it's too late.

*Bonus* Sleep enough and eat daily

PART TWO or Why I am Fabulous
*One thing that I really like about myself is that I pursue growth and anticipate that my ideas and understanding will change.

*I am forgiving, which plays a critical role in being able to change and in allowing for change in others, but recognizing my role to forgive whether anyone else changes or not.

*Writing -I'll just put that out there without an adjective. It's something that I enjoy doing and I do believe it improves with intense revision. I had a couple of stand out proud moments this year. 1. training for and completing a marathon 2. accepting an invitation to write for our Stake Christmas concert and then presenting my writing. I wanted to give the gift of laughter and I still can't really talk about how it felt to hear a thousand people laughing as I read. I'm not used to that feeling. It was a good one and I would like to feel that way again.

PART TWO B an example of my growing, not my writing. ;)
I am getting better at receiving. I was very big on DIY and the hardest way must be the best way. All the usual martyr stuff. Through a variety of circumstances, books and conversations. I am altering my perspective from a scarcity perspective to a perspective of abundance. I have come to realize that me receiving does not create a lack for someone else, especially as it relates to all of the blessings that Lord has for us. This earth has abundance. It is sufficient to sustain all of us in abundance. Spiritual gifts are also available that way. Love doesn't divide every time we get it or give it, it multiplies. So, I can set aside my fears about receiving. As far as being worthy to receive [and I'm talking about receiving anything: a compliment, a material gift, a foot massage-all of those things were difficult for me], my worthiness is irrelevant. The givers just want to offer these goodnesses to me. The best thing I can do is to receive with gladness so that we can both rejoice.

A few years ago, a baby shower was thrown in my honor. It was very difficult for me to be the center of attention. I was humbled by the outpouring of love I felt to have all those women arrange to be there and join in this celebration. One extra special friend had spent a long time thinking about me and handmaking the perfect gift. I passed it around for everyone to see and praised my friend for yet another talent. After the party, she helped me pack my bags and insisted on a cab home in the veritable monsoon rains. I was planning to walk home like a cheapskate pregnant martyr. While we waited for the car, this wonderful friend really laid into me for how poorly I had received the gift. She said that it was my night and my gift and I had deflected all the attention right back to her. She had wanted to see me light up and find joy in the gift without saying, "Everyone look at my friend, isn't she amazing?" or You shouldn't have." or "It's too much." She was really disappointed and I worried that I had offended everyone there by being too modest and conservative. I thought about it A LOT. It was a meaningful lesson and a turning point.

My heart is changing. My behavior is changing. This year my extra special friend sent me a similar gift for Christmas; something she had made herself especially with me in mind. I knew she was excited because she called to tell me to keep an eye out for it and let her know as soon as it arrived. I'll admit I had to squelch a faint clamor of voices in the back of my mind about the inferiority of the gift I had prepared that year: an emailed collection of personal Christmas stories, handcrafted over weeks, sure, but easily duplicated. If this friend had been in it for gift reciprocation, she would have dumped me years ago! ;) When the package arrived, I called her so that we could be on the phone together while I opened the gift from her. I was delighted. I squealed. I was still impressed with talents she has developed that I have not, but mostly I just felt so much love from her and so much love for her. The giving and receiving of gifts, at best, should multiply love so I am happy to report that I am getting better at receiving.