The Santa Question

All Christmas season I've been stewing over what to do about the Santa question.  Nobody at my house was asking.  But my sweet nine year old son was so certain that Santa's wish granting factory was chugging away on his illustrated wish list, that I felt I needed to say something.  What should I say?  Until I could answer that question, I tried not to say anything.

One night after a father and son heart to heart about wants, needs, and true happiness, the timing seemed right.  Eli sat on my lap for a hug and I whispered in his ear.

Me:  You know how I'm the Birthday Fairy?

Eli:  What?

Me:  You know how I'm the Birthday Fairy?  Remember you helped me decorate when it was Alison's birthday?

Eli:  Yeah.  That was fun.

Me:  Well, I'm also the Tooth Fairy.

Eli:  *big eyes*

Me:  It is so fun taking a tooth and putting money under your pillow.

Eli:  *smile*

Me:  I am also the Easter Bunny.  Remember the basket we had this year on the boat?  One of the best parts of being a mom or dad is making happy surprises for our kids.

Eli:  That will be fun when I'm a dad.

Me:  Also, me and Dad and sometimes Grandma or Grandpa are (dramatic pause) - Santa.

Eli:  *processing - uncertainty - worry - acceptance*

Me:  You know who I'm not?  I'm not God.  I'm not Jesus.  I'm not the Holy Ghost.  They are real and they love you and have power to bless your life.  But I am Santa.  You have to love somebody very much and know them very well to be Santa.  Now that you know the holiday secret, you can help be Santa too.  When we wrapped presents yesterday, you were being Santa.

Erik opened a package containing a wrapped gift from an unknown source.  

Me:  Would you like to write, "From Santa" on this package?  

His initial concerns about his sisters recognizing his script were quickly set aside as he pulled out a blue sharpie.  More hugs and he finally, finally went to bed.  Erik was just getting into a joke from work that day when Eli magically appeared in the living room again.  All those cozy feelings from before started cooling fast.

 

Me:  What do you need?

Eli:  You know how I believe in Santa?

Me:  Oh, great.  Present tense.  Maybe that conversation didn't go as well as I thought it did.

Eli:  That means, I believe in you!

More hugs.  Can you believe this kid?!  I love Christmas.

Platinum Dad

Eli is a believer.  He wrote a beautifully illustrated letter to Santa this year.  Easy.  One stop at the Nintendo store and Santa could make all of Eli's Christmas wishes come true.  I even stamped the letter and mailed it to a florist shop on St. Nicholas street in North Pole, Alaska.  Thanks, Google!  The more earnest he was, the more nervous I got.  Knowing full well that Santa is not bringing him anything on his list, we've all been trying to manage his expectations without spoiling the magic.  Now, there's a trick!

Last night, he was on about Santa bringing him a WiiU again and Karina was gave him a sisterly lecture that started with, "Hey, I'm not getting what I want this year either." And ended with Eli crying, "We should have never gone on the boat."  I took over before Karina got to her conclusion.  "It was going to be really good," she told me.

With a prayer in my heart, I told him that I love him.  I showed him the Ikea Christmas commercials about kids who want attention more than stuff.  He was not impressed and seemed a little nervous about the direction our conversation was going.  Just when I was about to confess the whole big fat Santa lie, my hero arrived home from work.  That man is worth his weight in chocolate covered almonds!!  

At first he didn't want to speak to us because Eli and I each had nostrils packed with tissue.  'Tis the season!  I convinced him this was a tender discussion about the human experience, namely, Why do some kids get what they want, but I don't?  Erik set down his bag.  He took off his coat.  He thought for a moment.  Then he engaged in what I can only call Platinum Parenting and I knew my role had been to stall until Dad got home.  Here is a transcript of their discussion.

Erik:  You say what you want most is a WiiU.  But what you mean is that a WiiU is what you want   most -that you don't have.  Do you want to know the secret to happiness?

Eli:  nods yes

Erik:  Your mom and I learned early on in our marriage that the secret to happiness is being grateful.  What are some of the things that you do have?

Eli:  A family that loves me.

Erik:  We do love you.  What else?

Eli:  My plushies.  (plush Nintendo stars: Luigi, Mario, and CatMario which he takes everywhere)

Erik:  Yes.  What else?

Eli:  A home, food, my pajamas, other clothes, a place to sleep.

Erik:  There is no end to the things we don't have.  That goes for me, for Mom, for Karina, for Sarah Jane...  Right now you want a WiiU, but if you had that, you'd be able to think of something else you'd want.  If you want to be happy, then you'll be more grateful for the things that you do have.  Can I show you something.  (He pulls up the NYT Year in Pictures 2014)

Here's a country that at war.  These are refugees running away.  These people are being shot at.  This team lost the Super Bowl.  This girl got injured in a police fight.  These people are trying to sneak into the country and being met by border patrol.  These women are voting despite threats of violence.  These people died when their building blew up from a gas leak.  This person fell off a horse. These people are angry with their government.  These people are praying for relatives who died when their boat sank.  These kids are practicing what to do in case a shooter comes into their school, these people don't have enough food.

We don't need to look at all of the pictures.  I'll tell you how I feel about Christmas.  Big or small, something or nothing - if we have grateful hearts we can be happy.  You'll see friends get things that you wished you had and that can be hard.  We want to give you everything that you want, but we will give you the best we can.  We will give you a gift because we love you.  It probably won't be the gift that you want, but we hope you like it.  If you want to think about some gifts you can give others, that's another way to feel really great.

Emily, is there anything else you want to add or improve upon?

Me:  No.  I cannot improve upon what you just said.

I am SO in love with this guy!!  #howtodad

We finished up with some snuggles and sent the little scamp to bed.

Lavish Christmas

I realize that I get defensive when I'm overwhelmed, unprepared, comparing myself, or required to meet somebody else's standards.  Uh... Yes, so that basically describes my lead up to Christmas this year.  That and concerns about money.  Well, not really about money; more about not having it or at least not having it in the quantities that furnish piles of presents, bulging Christmas stockings, and delighted gasps from my children Christmas morning.  I know, I would have thrown myself a pity party, but my calendar was booked.

Then I received three gifts from the internet -not quite gold, frankincense, and myrrh but stories that brought healing into my heart.  I want to share them with you in case you're struggling too.  The first two were forwarded to me by my wonderful mother-in-law just in the St. Nick of time!  At first I thought, "Yeah, sure.  Kids want attention more than stuff.  Not my kid.  My kids wants a Nintendo WiiU.  Hands down.  No questions asked.  Nothing else will make Christmas happy for him."  But then I watched theses Ikea commercials.  What?!  Ikea.  It's for real.

And this one showed me how all that attention can look from a kid's perspective.  If you don't speak Spanish, here's the translation:  The woman says, "Look at all the children enjoying their Christmas presents.  Come here, sweetheart.  What did you get for Christmas?"  He shows her his gift and she is shocked, "That's it?!"  The boy reflects on his joyous Christmas morning.  The woman says, "Poor thing."  The boy looks at her like she's a total weirdo, shrugs, and then returns to his friends.

I was sitting alone on the couch checking my email for the umpteenth time that day.  As I watched these commercials, I became sensible to the fact that my husband was putting the kids to bed.  He was playing the guitar -Jack White, not exactly a lullaby but definitely sing-along material at our house.  I could hear the kids singing with him.  Then he cycled through some originals and some Christmas music.  The flood gates released I realized that even though there won't be a lot of wrapping paper to clean up this year, we are giving our children an incredibly lavish Christmas abundant with attention, bursting with encouragement, and overflowing with love.


The next morning I got a booster shot in the form of a blog post about how one mother's worst Christmas turned into her best.  Read half or read the whole thing.  In case you don't feel like reading it at all, I've included a spoiler at the end of this post.  I read this to my family and we laughed until we cried.  Especially me.  Those are the kind of tears we should have at this time of year.


In that spirit...
I wish you an extravagant, luxurious,  Christmas!



*SPOILER*
The family is experiencing financial straits due to medical issues and the mother is up sewing gifts for neighbors to save money when she realized she has nothing for the children's stockings the next morning and can't even afford a package of gum.  Her 11 year old daughter comes in and learns the plight of her parents.  She says, "All that matters is that we're a family.  I don't care if you squat over my stocking and poop in it."  Lots of laugh.  Clear thinking returns.  The family has an opportunity to bless someone else which has the effect of increasing their gratitude and reducing their worries all in one swoop.  Christmas magic!