Family Boundaries

I've seen and heard about soap operatics occurring in families that live "too close" together. Everyone is in everyone's business and giving their unsolicited advice. My mother could truthfully quote me saying, "I will live far away from you and never bring the grandchildren to visit." Essentially that's what is happening since we live in New York and my parents live in Utah, but my heart changed over twenty years ago.

With brief exceptional intervals, I have lived apart from immediate family since I left for college. All of my siblings attended the same university so we overlapped here and there living near each other, but never as roommates. We married and graduated, usually in that order, and settled where the work was.

People talk about living near family but not too near. The general consensus is an idyllic hour or two apart. Isn't that just substituting a geographic buffer for emotional wimpiness? If we can respect each other's individual family needs, differences and personal boundaries we can keep communications open and let the fun flow.

I love, respect and admire all the members of my family. More than that, I miss them. Today my friends announced that they are moving to family. In their case that means Sacramento, California which isn't too shabby! As dreamy as the weather in California is, I would happily live in Montana if that's where my family was. I happily live in New York and I don't have any family here, but I long for my family. I wish for aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents on a regular basis.

We've passed the halfway mark with Star. She'll probably move out in the next 5-7 years.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Nothing says celebration like potatoes and cabbage!

How do you commemorate St. Patty's Day?

Just Getting a Cookie

In one of my favorite scenes from Kung Fu Panda Po has failed in his condensed training program and is stuffing his face while all the capable warriors head out to stop the unbeatable foe. Master Shifu tells Po not to eat Monkey's cookies hidden on the top shelf. Two seconds later, Shifu finds Po holding himself to the ceiling in perfect splits on opposing cabinets. Shifu asks Po how he could possible do in the kitchen what he could not do in training. Po says, "I was just getting a cookie."

I am continually impressed, amazed, inspired (read-intimidated) by what everyone I know is able to accomplish. Whenever I do something it feels like no big deal because it was just me and I was just doing this one thing and it wasn't as glamorous as it sounds, etc. I'm just getting a cookie. Maybe next time I get my visiting teaching done or hit all of the day's subjects in school or feed my family another meal or get to sleep before 2 a.m. I will remember that there is no secret ingredient. I am the Dragon Warrior.


P.S. The Dragon Warrior loves cookies.

P.P.S. More of the Dragon Warrior's favorite lines from Kung Fu Panda:

There is no charge for awesomeness.

'Sorry' doesn't make the noodles.

Torpedo says: be-gone-zo

As a kid, I hated all beans especially those slippery garbanzos that would fly away every time I tried to stab one with my fork.  Good riddance, I'd think as the sneaky bean would shoot off my plate.   Now, I love them.  Garbanzos are a staple in our diet.  Torpedo, who asks for them regularly, calls them "Be-gone-zo beans."  And with him around to gobble them up, they are!

P.S.  I don't buy baby food anymore.  I make "hummus" for Mermaid by dumping a can of garbanzo (or any bean) and veggies (fresh or canned) in the blender with some olive oil (remember young ones need 40% of their calories in digestible fats).  She loves it and Torpedo has even started stealing bites from her bowl.

Encouragement

I want to be a writer.  SumGreater says that part of that is collecting a wall full of rejection letters proving my courage to write anyway.  My Mom said something similar about stretch marks after my first child and I didn't believe her either.  I had an essay proposal accepted to be part of a book.  My first essay was too narrative, my second essay was the same topic as two other essays already being included and my third essay was "valuable and interesting," but "not a good match."  Being rejected three times by this obscure project with an obscure publisher that was going to pay nothing anyway, did not make me feel courageous.  I haven't wanted to write anything at all- not even a to-do list.  

My Hero and SumGreater have both been so encouraging.  Family members are often the first ones to point out our flaws.  Perhaps they hope to save us from future ridicule by letting us know we've forgotten our pants before we walk out the door.  More often, they prevent us from ever leaving the house.  But these two continually praise what good I have to offer and lovingly share ideas for improvement only when I ask for them.   This works for me since I'm sure most of it is "eh-stinky," as we say at our house.  It's nice to have someone saying, "Save that.  It's working."  Continual encouragement is definitely a better motivator than rejection.  I'll be thinking about that this week.  And I'll be writing.