Red Lipstick Therapy

Scrutinizing my reflection and contemplating my upcoming birthday I realized that I not only look my age, but I also look something like my maternal grandmother when she was my age. I decided to accentuate the similarities with bright red lipstick like Grandma (and all the hollywood starlets of her day) used to wear. The change was dramatic. I was mildly uncomfortable, but genuinely emboldened. Red lipstick, it turns out, makes me feel cheerful.

Mermaid noticed the difference right away and was mesmerized by the presence of lips on my face. She focused trying to imitate all the shapes they made as I spoke or sang to her. Could this be a break through in her speech development? Maybe. I'll be wearing red lipstick more often... for both of us. Thank you, Grandma!

Just Getting a Cookie

In one of my favorite scenes from Kung Fu Panda Po has failed in his condensed training program and is stuffing his face while all the capable warriors head out to stop the unbeatable foe. Master Shifu tells Po not to eat Monkey's cookies hidden on the top shelf. Two seconds later, Shifu finds Po holding himself to the ceiling in perfect splits on opposing cabinets. Shifu asks Po how he could possible do in the kitchen what he could not do in training. Po says, "I was just getting a cookie."

I am continually impressed, amazed, inspired (read-intimidated) by what everyone I know is able to accomplish. Whenever I do something it feels like no big deal because it was just me and I was just doing this one thing and it wasn't as glamorous as it sounds, etc. I'm just getting a cookie. Maybe next time I get my visiting teaching done or hit all of the day's subjects in school or feed my family another meal or get to sleep before 2 a.m. I will remember that there is no secret ingredient. I am the Dragon Warrior.


P.S. The Dragon Warrior loves cookies.

P.P.S. More of the Dragon Warrior's favorite lines from Kung Fu Panda:

There is no charge for awesomeness.

'Sorry' doesn't make the noodles.

High Five

Tagged again!

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:

-Living in my in-law's basement
-Waiting for baby #2
-Teaching Young Women's
-Praying for My Hero to obtain life sustaining employment in New York
-Envisioning a one room apartment where we'd have to sleep in a family loft over a tiny kitchen

5 things on my To-Do list today:
-Watch the inauguration of Barack Obama
-Sledding
-Library
-Laundry
-Occupational therapy for Mermaid

5 snacks that I LOVE:
-Chocolate 

-Potato rolls spread with Nutella
-Hummus/Salsa/Guacamole with corn chips and possibly vegetables
-Sliced peaches and cottage cheese
-Citrus fruits

5 things I would do if I were a Billionaire

If I were a Billionaire I wouldn't limit myself to five main things.  The first things I would do if wealth came suddenly are:

-Go to My Hero's work, call him down to the lobby, kidnap him to the hotel across the street, seduce him and eavesdrop while he called his supervisor to tell her that he would never be coming back again...ever

-Buy a waffle iron and make waffles for the kids for breakfast while we talk about our plans of where to go and what to do with all that money

-Fill out the paperwork for all their U.S. and Finnish passports

-Park the van in a garage and never worry about alternate side parking again

-Take all available relatives on a domestic cruise while we wait for our passports

Secrets

My sister, Plainbellied, has tagged me to share some secrets to dealing with insecurities as part of her New Year's Resolution Kick-off Extravaganza. Part One involves sharing secrets to dealing with insecurities. Part Two is for listing something that I already feel good about.


PART ONE

1. Regularly acknowledging God and our relationship to each other.

2. Noticing how much I've progressed over years. I change too slowly to notice in a few weeks or months, but if I look back over the past 5, 10 or 15 years my heart actually has changed significantly followed by my behavior.

3. Remembering that I have eternity to become. Maybe I only have a few talents now and I may have even defined myself by those talents at some points in my life, but eventually I will master all virtues and disciplines. I believe the promise that I can obtain all that the Father hath through the mercy of the Savior including being a whiz at marine biology and a master architect, chef, musician, servant, comedian... everything. Practicing developing skills now in one or two areas now will allow me to expand into other areas in the future. The point of this part is that I know I will have it all eventually, so I'm trying not to get caught up in comparisons or rushing or ever thinking it's too late.

*Bonus* Sleep enough and eat daily

PART TWO or Why I am Fabulous
*One thing that I really like about myself is that I pursue growth and anticipate that my ideas and understanding will change.

*I am forgiving, which plays a critical role in being able to change and in allowing for change in others, but recognizing my role to forgive whether anyone else changes or not.

*Writing -I'll just put that out there without an adjective. It's something that I enjoy doing and I do believe it improves with intense revision. I had a couple of stand out proud moments this year. 1. training for and completing a marathon 2. accepting an invitation to write for our Stake Christmas concert and then presenting my writing. I wanted to give the gift of laughter and I still can't really talk about how it felt to hear a thousand people laughing as I read. I'm not used to that feeling. It was a good one and I would like to feel that way again.

PART TWO B an example of my growing, not my writing. ;)
I am getting better at receiving. I was very big on DIY and the hardest way must be the best way. All the usual martyr stuff. Through a variety of circumstances, books and conversations. I am altering my perspective from a scarcity perspective to a perspective of abundance. I have come to realize that me receiving does not create a lack for someone else, especially as it relates to all of the blessings that Lord has for us. This earth has abundance. It is sufficient to sustain all of us in abundance. Spiritual gifts are also available that way. Love doesn't divide every time we get it or give it, it multiplies. So, I can set aside my fears about receiving. As far as being worthy to receive [and I'm talking about receiving anything: a compliment, a material gift, a foot massage-all of those things were difficult for me], my worthiness is irrelevant. The givers just want to offer these goodnesses to me. The best thing I can do is to receive with gladness so that we can both rejoice.

A few years ago, a baby shower was thrown in my honor. It was very difficult for me to be the center of attention. I was humbled by the outpouring of love I felt to have all those women arrange to be there and join in this celebration. One extra special friend had spent a long time thinking about me and handmaking the perfect gift. I passed it around for everyone to see and praised my friend for yet another talent. After the party, she helped me pack my bags and insisted on a cab home in the veritable monsoon rains. I was planning to walk home like a cheapskate pregnant martyr. While we waited for the car, this wonderful friend really laid into me for how poorly I had received the gift. She said that it was my night and my gift and I had deflected all the attention right back to her. She had wanted to see me light up and find joy in the gift without saying, "Everyone look at my friend, isn't she amazing?" or You shouldn't have." or "It's too much." She was really disappointed and I worried that I had offended everyone there by being too modest and conservative. I thought about it A LOT. It was a meaningful lesson and a turning point.

My heart is changing. My behavior is changing. This year my extra special friend sent me a similar gift for Christmas; something she had made herself especially with me in mind. I knew she was excited because she called to tell me to keep an eye out for it and let her know as soon as it arrived. I'll admit I had to squelch a faint clamor of voices in the back of my mind about the inferiority of the gift I had prepared that year: an emailed collection of personal Christmas stories, handcrafted over weeks, sure, but easily duplicated. If this friend had been in it for gift reciprocation, she would have dumped me years ago! ;) When the package arrived, I called her so that we could be on the phone together while I opened the gift from her. I was delighted. I squealed. I was still impressed with talents she has developed that I have not, but mostly I just felt so much love from her and so much love for her. The giving and receiving of gifts, at best, should multiply love so I am happy to report that I am getting better at receiving.

So, the Rabbi says...

My mother-in-law loves to tell a story of a Jewish woman who complained to the Rabbi that her house was too small for her family. No matter how many times I hear it, this one always touches me because my house is too small for my family. The Rabbi sends five more children to live in her house. After a week of this insanity, the five extra children return to the homes they came from and the kvetcher's house feels like a spacious mansion without all those extra bodies and mouths. She is so happy and stops complaining.

That same mother-in-law has just taken in three of my children for the week. I still have a baby and a toddler, but they are easily manipulated and easily pleased. I don't feel guilty if my three year old misses a reading lesson or eats an entire box of Andes creme de Menthes. The baby still has therapy several times a week. But I feel like I'm playing hooky. My responsibilities have diminished drastically. Today, I didn't make my bed until after midnight. I washed and dried the table once. I swept the floors once. I actually mopped the kitchen once. I washed chocolate off the flatscreen, keyboard and mouse only once. But I'm not having to repeat every action multiple times or supervise the repetition of any of these actions, or break up fights, or lose sight of Torpedo while he tears off on some deconstructionist jag. Everything feels so manageable that I don't want to disturb the calm by making a To Do list for myself which would only include more cooking, cleaning, editing and preparing for the future.

In a way, I'm rediscovering myself a little bit. Now, that I can do whatever I want, what am I doing? I'm reading, writing, visiting friends, calling friends and checking out my friend's blogs. I will do a little cleaning and add cooking, editing and preparing for the future next week after I've indulged in a good long Saturday afternoon nap. I miss my girls. It's spacious and simple without them, but I love the richness, texture and joy they bring to my life. I called my children and Sparkle asked, "Mom, could you call back when I have something interesting to tell you?" When they return, I will have fresh eyes and ears for all of the interesting things they have to tell me and Grandma will think she lives in a mansion. =)

WAHOO!

After 12 years of marriage, another first... snowmobiling!  I was definitely nervous because I didn't want to get stuck or hit anything, so we played it safe and went to the gorgeously groomed trails of Daniels Summit Lodge.  My Hero got the hang of it right away and was tearing up the snow off trail.  I think I was more of a 'cross country' snowmobiler.  I was just taking it nice and easy only taking a couple of well worn off-trail circles.  

Slow and steady wins the race.  Because I was taking it slow and My Hero was hopping off the trail every chance, I got ahead of him and we were separated.  When he caught up with me, I think I wanted to show off a little.  You know, impress my man, so I went off trail and ended up WAY off-trail.  I couldn't make the turn back onto the trail and went over the slope.  I fell off the snowmobile right away as it dropped out from under me and it just coasted down the hill until it finally parked itself in the trees.  Wah-oops!  There was no serious damage to me or the snowmobile, but it was exhausting trying to stamp down 3 feet of snow or use a pine lever to help it out.  Unfortunately, I wasn't much help trying to budge a 500 lb. machine buried in powder.

We finally admitted defeat and headed back to the lodge for reinforcements.  Yikes!  I had been taking it about 20 mph on my own ride, but now I was hanging on around My Hero's waist going his normal speed - 40-50+ mph.  There were some awesome off trail rides he just couldn't resist, so he was tearing it up with me hanging on the back.  Did I mention the snowmobile seat was branded with a picture of two people riding a snowmobile with a slash indicated Do Not Do This?  Well, it's a good thing we did because I got to enjoy some adventure I never would have considered on my own and it was a totally blast despite practically blowing out both of my knees as I tried to stay on.  My Hero actually liked riding with me in the hootchie-mama seat following all of his moves and keeping him warm.

Once we reached the lodge the lovely and wind chapped Jesse came to help us.  What?!  I thought we could just tell him where it was and go home.  I could barely stand.  Evidently, we had to show Jesse the stuck snowmobile guru where it was and then I had to be there to drive it back.  So...I hopped back on with My Hero and braced myself for another ride.  Jesse wasn't just a stuck snowmobile guru, he was also a speed demon like My Hero.  We made it to the crash site in record time.  Two brawny men were able free my ride in about 10 minutes.  It's a good thing I was there.  I had to rev the gas as they pulled it in reverse, very important. ;)  

We were finally on our way again.  I was still cautious on the ridges, but when the trail opened up, so did I.  After all, My Hero had shown me how to do it and the worst of my snowmobiling fears had already been realized resulting in little more than a dented bumper.  In fact, I was loving this adventure.  When I came to the flats, I actually pinned the gas and broke 50 mph on my own.  I saw My Hero take a jump and a spill, but he just hopped back on his machine and continued tearing it up.  WAHOOOooooo!

P.S. I think the reason I don't look as cool as My Hero is that none of the adult helmets fit, so I had to wear a squinky child's size helmet w/o fierce face guard.

Still Crazy

My Hero dared me to do this. I'm not sure you can tell that I'm 8 months pregnant in this photo, but that's what makes it so astonishing. I won't be doing anything else impressive for quite some time.