On Organizing: my Relief Society mini-class

We have so many parameters in our lives; finite time, finite space, finite money, finite energy... I believe these parameters are a blessing of mortality because they facilitate the use of agency. We can't have or doit all, so we have to choose. Choosing wisely requires vision, prioritizing, customizing, and living deliberately. How we use our resources defines us. Well articulated lives will be focused on people, activities, and things that enlighten, strengthen, and fill our lives with wholesome pleasure.

Three principles of organizing are: Priorities, Perimeters, and Process.

Priorities
Twelve years ago, I moved into a cramped two bedroom apartment with my husband, our toddler, and our four month old baby. Tripping over toys, books, and other stuff I was perpetually in a state of want. I wanted more space. More space would mean moving; an ordeal in itself. The complexities nested in my brain and quickly multiplied. Moving somewhere larger that we could afford would require leaving the city. Leaving the city would double My Hero's commute. Family time would be reduced significantly. I'd be solo parenting even more. We'd probably need a car which would require maintenance. It seemed a futile quandary always circling back to the issue of space.

One typically tight day, my silent prayers for space were met with a new idea: Make space by getting rid of stuff. A vise had been removed. Relief flowed through me like fresh air. This simple seedling of thought grew into more than a solution. It became a principle.

I began with the kid's toy mulch. You know, the toys you have to dig through to get what you really want to play with. I bagged them up and sent them along their way. It was liberating. It was easier to improve my life by getting rid of something than by adding something. I did have more space and I learned something as well:

STUFF = RESPONSIBILITY

Those toys were no longer pulled out and thrown all over the apartment. I no longer stepped on those toys. I no longer yelled at the kids to pick those toys up. I no longer fished those toys out of the toilet and washed them. I no longer ran up and down four flights of stairs to retrieve those toys after they'd been surreptitiously flung out the window. All that effort for things we didn't really love or even use, and now the relationship was over. My contract of responsibility for those things was up. I created space, time, and energy. Take that Einstein! This applies equally to unfinished projects or books you think you should read. When they are gone...the guilt goes with them!

The greatest blessing of a small home is that we only have room for our favorites and bests. We did try living in a large house one month. There were 10,000 square feet (five for storage and five for living). There were six bathrooms. Bedrooms went empty because we couldn't fill them all. A New Yorker's dream? A family of seven's fantasy? It was lovely for entertaining large groups on special occasions, but for every day wear it was tedious. Picking up at the end of the day, cleaning, or just locating every member of the family took exponentially longer. More was more. The myth of the big house was officially busted.

Perimeters
We love our definitive apartment and keep it spacious by setting limits. Every thing has a home, be it a cubby or a container. Early on, most of my containers were cardboard boxes that I painted. I find all sorts of bins, baskets and jars to serve my needs. When the cubby or container gets crowded, it's time to edit. For example, Sparkle keeps her toys in a suitcase under her bunk bed. She is quite a collector. After a week long trip, I set her on the bed and sat the suitcase in front of her with the lid up so she could NOT see inside. I asked her to name the items that she wanted to keep and the rest would be rolled out to the trash. She was a little nervous when I wouldn't let her peek first. When I came back with a full sized suitcase to house a small stack of favorite toys, she was thrilled to have them nicely organized and easily accessible. She is still my biggest collector. She is also the most likely to initiate editing, chucking the mediocre to make space for things she loves the best and plays with the most.

Perimeters encompass more than providing a home for belongings and making sure belongings don't multiply beyond that boundary. Perimeters also involve creating zones so the things you want are where you want them. That may be self evident in a house with a separate room for every function; living room, dining room, family room, and my personal favorite, the movie room. What?! A whole room dedicated to watching movies?! In my home the living room, dining room, school room, library, workout room, playroom, music room, ancillary office, and movie room are all the same space.

Within that Swiss army knife of rooms, I carve a place for each activity. Books we use most are on the shelf next to the couch where we read them. Remotes and repeat videos (workouts and "educational" DVDs) are kept high as close to the couch as possible. Little kids can't reach them, but adults have them handy. Mini computer, wireless keyboard and mouse rest on a shelf over the wall mounted monitor/television. Again, this keeps them high, but handy so we don't waste time looking for peripherals when we could be wasting time watching Youtube! Yoga mats are tucked in next to the couch right where they will be used. The dinner table serves for meals, crafts, and schoolwork. When things have a place that coincides with their purpose, life flows more smoothly.

Process
My journey started with dissatisfaction. I wanted more space and an unspoken prayer was answered simply: Get rid of stuff. The next step was actually chucking some things that nobody cared about. For a long time, we lived in homeostasis. If something came into our home, something else had to leave to make room for it. Gradually, my ideal became only allowing things into my home that we love or use. The further I go down this path, the happier I am with less and less. There is a saying that you can never get enough of what you don't need. I agree. When you have things that you love and use, you can be satisfied with very little. In fact, I'm finding that letting go of tangible things decreases the general pull of the tangible world. I'm not trying to be philosophical. I only mean that letting go of things makes me realize how little I genuinely need and how happy I am without them.

I address process for two main reasons. First, organizing is a cleansing, liberating journey that goes deeper and deeper. You can learn about yourself and redefine yourself. Second, it is a process because, in our modern culture, stuff keeps flowing into our lives. We are regularly confronted with decisions about taking on responsibility for more stuff. No or yes? If yes, why? and where? Simply start small with a drawer or a stack. A few minutes spent sorting and organizing can be a motivating success. Every time you open that drawer, it reminds you of your good work. You may want to spend a little time on smaller projects each day, each week, or a chunk of time once a month tackling larger projects.

Finally, don't let organizing your life get in the way of living. This is a tool to serve you, smooth out your routines and fill your life with people and activities that enlighten, strengthen, and fill your lives with wholesome pleasure.

What is clutter?
*Things you do not use or love
*Things that are untidy or disorganized
*Too many things in too small a space
*Anything unfinished
-Karen Kingston Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui

Ideas and Encouragement
Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui, Karen Kingston (look inside)
Clutter's Last Stand, Dan Aslett
smallnotebook.org
organizedhome.com
ineedmoretime.com


*WarningDo NOT declutter or organize for your spouse! Your example may be inspiring, but chucking somebody else's stuff will NOT simplify your life. For small children, use your best judgment and involve them in the process if possible. This is a good life skill.

Wherever you are: Enjoy!

I spent nine days in Cape Cod with the kids. We shared a four-bedroom single family home on a quiet gravel road near a lakefront beach. By the second night the kids had all moved into one bedroom because they didn't want to miss out on any fun. I took the kids everywhere; to look out points, marinas, cranberry bogs, beaches, grocery stores, all without hesitation because I knew I could park again when I got home. I washed sandy swimsuits and towels every single day in the washing machine. I laid in the grass and was nurtured. I sent the younger ones out to play while the older ones were doing academic work. It was so close to heaven. We didn't have so many obligations. We didn't have so many toys or books.

Focus makes life feel more abundant

It was like living in slow motion with time to savor each thing: trees, grass, playing baseball with Torpedo, Sparkle creating worlds in the mud out of pebbles and bottle caps. It was such a happy time. My heart feels good for everyone who gets to have that suburban experience, especially the ones who realize what a treasure it is. So many people have that every day and constantly complain about not having enough.

I’m happy where we are. My family is my Happy. New York is an amazing place to live. I'm just saying, wherever you are...Enjoy! :)

Less is better for us

Every state or city provides different levels of support to it's children with special needs. I live in one that lays it on thick and then some, especially if your child has a diagnosis like Down syndrome. Mermaid has been receiving Physical therapy, Speech, Special Instruction, and Occupational Therapy each twice weekly for thirty minutes. I'll do the math for you = 32 x monthly (plus clean up, plus after-chat, plus delays, plus occasional no-shows without warning...). If we cancel a session for an outing, we have to make it up later increasing the amount of therapy on another day. Mermaid has four sessions in one day at these times. We're essentially tethered to the apartment.

Sure, her four siblings have had to sacrifice opportunities for field trips, classes, play dates, etc. We've all relinquished some flexibility for a good cause. Mermaid has progressed continuously. We love to welcome her wonderful therapists into our home. They counsel and encourage us. They have been willing to meet us at the homes of friends, at the playground, or at the park. They are constantly thinking of how to challenge Mermaid next. They are experts in their fields and really nice people, too. Seeking to balance all of this good stuff with the downside in a way that best fits our family's needs and allows Mermaid to experience the variety and wonder of the great wide world in person, we decided to cut back therapy by 75%. That's 8 visits monthly. We are an aberration in the system. Nobody downsizes when they are "entitled."

This quote from Ann Sullivan inspired me:

"Let him go and come freely, let him touch real things, and combine his impressions for himself, instead of sitting indoors at a little round table, while a sweet-voiced teacher suggests that he build a stone wall with his wooden blocks, or make a rainbow out of strips of coloured paper, or plant straw trees in bead flower-pots. Such teaching fills the mind with artificial associations that must be got rid of before the child can develop independent ideas out of actual experiences."

We've been on the "sleek" schedule since August and it has been fabulous! Mermaid continues to progress at a steady rate. Our language-rich climate at home coupled with increased "actual experiences," has allowed Mermaid to experience a language explosion. I believe hands-on experiences are the most significant for all of my children, but especially Mermaid. We've all enjoyed the freedom of getting out of town, out to visit family, out to the beach, out to playgroups, out... just out. New environments always motivate our curious Mermaid to develop skills or add new words. As a home schooling family, this works for us. Everyone has to calibrate their own definition of balance. Sometimes it's hard to get what you need. In our case, advocating for our child and our family means taking less of what is offered to have more of what we want.