"If you're not happy without things, you won't be happy with things." It's amazing that I memorized this part of the Brite music tapes I grew up listening to because it wasn't set to music. The nursery maid says it of the spoiled (and depressed) princess that she serves each day.
It's one of those lines that I understand better with experience. At first it felt like an easy answer which was Mom's way of saying, "I'm not giving you that, but don't complain about it because you choose to be happy." A couple of years ago I read a quote by a famous actor stating that he wished everyone were as rich as he was so they would know that wealth doesn't create happiness. That's a no brainer. I've seen the ruinous lives of the celebrities spread across the magazines whenever I have to buy more dental floss or sunscreen at my local pharmacy.
There are other happiness mirages that have fooled me. There is the body image mirage which promises happiness if some goal of numbers or physical feats can be met. Didn't work. I've been plagued by the notion that if only I were more organized or if I purged more clutter I could build on the summit of happiness. Not a bad idea, but not happiness. For some it is marriage or children. For years, I thought more space was the answer but that was debunked after a month living in 5,000 square feet. More space=more responsibility, more cleaning and less family togetherness. I thought a basement playroom would bring peace, order and happiness to my life. I haven't been able to test that one out, but everyone that I know with a basement says their kids bring toys into the kitchen and want to play near Mom. At our house, we call this "clumping." I'm sure Mrs. Newton would have written about this law of attraction if she'd had the time.
There is still an oasis shimmering in the distance for me. I'll admit that I do think that having a yard with a fence would alleviate 80% of the pressure in my life by allowing me to unleash my younger children at my convenience. I can hear the nursery maid chanting in my ear, "If you're not happy without a yard, you won't be happy with one." Her words empower me. My happiness is my responsibility. Nobody can give it to me and nobody can take it away. I'm not holding my happiness in reserve for a yard. There is plenty to be glad about. I am happy right now.
Is there a mirage in between you and Happy?
How do you choose Happiness?
8 comments:
I love it, you are brilliant, and a true example of happiness
My friend said a yard made her happier. She had 3 boys. But I think you're awesome and happiness is a choice...you can choose to be as happy as it is possible to be in a given moment.
By the way, I like your blog skin. It looks slick. Way to go Urban Tangerine!
Oh so timely for me right now. I have been mulling over some of these same thoughts this last week! Good to read your take on the subject of Happy. Its a good place to be, and sometimes it takes work to stay there.
Oh, I forgot to say, I listened to those tapes too!
The Happiness tape was my favorite one. I definitely remember that line. What age do you tend to start your kids on the Brite Music? We're still just doing mostly primary songs and whatever I feel like listening to for our little one.
While I was reading this I just felt lucky that I have an invite to your blog. There are so many people that never get to hear (or read) your well explained philosophies of life. I'm glad that I do.
As far as happiness goes, according to a recent BYU Magazine article about giving, giving brings happiness and happiness brings success. So, it seems like this post goes really well with your bed post. Still, I really do want a fence in the backyard and a door straight to the backyard from the kitchen. I started to think of it as a need and was tempted to use borrowed money to make it happen when I remembered that my fabulous sister has five children in a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment. I think we may be able to handle 2 children in our 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bathroom house even without a fenced yard... even though one of them is a runner. I'm certain that I'm getting faster because of her.
Love you lots :)
Dearest Cacooning,
We do manage without a yard. But that is different than having a yard without a fence. My family is fenced in by the walls of our apartment. A yard with no fence is a sanity concern. That in itself is enough reason to consider it a need (especially with a new baby on the way). However you actually have a safety concern as well as needing to consider what is best for your specific (very physical, running) child. A yard with a fence would alleviate much pressure for me, but a yard with no fence can be miserable. I can't tell you how many times our children have been saved by neighbors. We've had more than our share of miracles. This week at Grandma's Torpedo actually went 1.5 blocks and crossed a street. I'm ready to price out the solution and negotiate with my in laws. And we're only here a couple of times a year. Don't let our parameters stop you.
i definitely have the nicer body leads to happiness mirage. for whatever reason, it is such a difficult barrier to break! i am learning to just be thankful for a healthy functioning one and trying to believe my husband when he says i'm beautiful.
i'm happy to say though, that i'm totally over the more space equals happiness mirage. we bought a bigger house so the teenagers could have some "space". but they always congregate on the main floor, and in the rare case that they are downstairs, i miss them and make up a fake reason for them to come upstairs. :)
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