Mi Casa Update

Want a taste of city living?  Here are some updated photos (10/13) of our neighborhood and home.  Please let me know if you're interested in subletting.

• One queen loft bed (master bedroom); two sets of bunk beds and a single loft bed (second bedroom)
• Pre-war elevator building with laundry facilities in the basement and new laundromat on the block
• Street parking is available, or there is a very reasonably priced parking garage just around the corner.
• Located on Broadway directly across from the Metropolitan Cloisters Museum and Ft. Tryon Park (great park views through whole apt!)
• 3 blocks from A-train:  express ride to Time Square/Columbus Circle/Central Park/Midtown
• 3 blocks from Inwood LDS Chapel
• Wi-Fi hookup, Cable TV, DVD Player, Large flat screen TV, Piano
• Kitchen with all utensils, cookery, etc.

Beds for 7,  three really nice cots, plus the couch is pretty comfy.  11-12 people can stay in reasonable comfort.  Sometimes multiple families share the apartment over the holidays and it worked well for them.  We ask that you bring linens (bed sheets and towels).

On Organizing: my Relief Society mini-class

We have so many parameters in our lives; finite time, finite space, finite money, finite energy... I believe these parameters are a blessing of mortality because they facilitate the use of agency. We can't have or doit all, so we have to choose. Choosing wisely requires vision, prioritizing, customizing, and living deliberately. How we use our resources defines us. Well articulated lives will be focused on people, activities, and things that enlighten, strengthen, and fill our lives with wholesome pleasure.

Three principles of organizing are: Priorities, Perimeters, and Process.

Priorities
Twelve years ago, I moved into a cramped two bedroom apartment with my husband, our toddler, and our four month old baby. Tripping over toys, books, and other stuff I was perpetually in a state of want. I wanted more space. More space would mean moving; an ordeal in itself. The complexities nested in my brain and quickly multiplied. Moving somewhere larger that we could afford would require leaving the city. Leaving the city would double My Hero's commute. Family time would be reduced significantly. I'd be solo parenting even more. We'd probably need a car which would require maintenance. It seemed a futile quandary always circling back to the issue of space.

One typically tight day, my silent prayers for space were met with a new idea: Make space by getting rid of stuff. A vise had been removed. Relief flowed through me like fresh air. This simple seedling of thought grew into more than a solution. It became a principle.

I began with the kid's toy mulch. You know, the toys you have to dig through to get what you really want to play with. I bagged them up and sent them along their way. It was liberating. It was easier to improve my life by getting rid of something than by adding something. I did have more space and I learned something as well:

STUFF = RESPONSIBILITY

Those toys were no longer pulled out and thrown all over the apartment. I no longer stepped on those toys. I no longer yelled at the kids to pick those toys up. I no longer fished those toys out of the toilet and washed them. I no longer ran up and down four flights of stairs to retrieve those toys after they'd been surreptitiously flung out the window. All that effort for things we didn't really love or even use, and now the relationship was over. My contract of responsibility for those things was up. I created space, time, and energy. Take that Einstein! This applies equally to unfinished projects or books you think you should read. When they are gone...the guilt goes with them!

The greatest blessing of a small home is that we only have room for our favorites and bests. We did try living in a large house one month. There were 10,000 square feet (five for storage and five for living). There were six bathrooms. Bedrooms went empty because we couldn't fill them all. A New Yorker's dream? A family of seven's fantasy? It was lovely for entertaining large groups on special occasions, but for every day wear it was tedious. Picking up at the end of the day, cleaning, or just locating every member of the family took exponentially longer. More was more. The myth of the big house was officially busted.

Perimeters
We love our definitive apartment and keep it spacious by setting limits. Every thing has a home, be it a cubby or a container. Early on, most of my containers were cardboard boxes that I painted. I find all sorts of bins, baskets and jars to serve my needs. When the cubby or container gets crowded, it's time to edit. For example, Sparkle keeps her toys in a suitcase under her bunk bed. She is quite a collector. After a week long trip, I set her on the bed and sat the suitcase in front of her with the lid up so she could NOT see inside. I asked her to name the items that she wanted to keep and the rest would be rolled out to the trash. She was a little nervous when I wouldn't let her peek first. When I came back with a full sized suitcase to house a small stack of favorite toys, she was thrilled to have them nicely organized and easily accessible. She is still my biggest collector. She is also the most likely to initiate editing, chucking the mediocre to make space for things she loves the best and plays with the most.

Perimeters encompass more than providing a home for belongings and making sure belongings don't multiply beyond that boundary. Perimeters also involve creating zones so the things you want are where you want them. That may be self evident in a house with a separate room for every function; living room, dining room, family room, and my personal favorite, the movie room. What?! A whole room dedicated to watching movies?! In my home the living room, dining room, school room, library, workout room, playroom, music room, ancillary office, and movie room are all the same space.

Within that Swiss army knife of rooms, I carve a place for each activity. Books we use most are on the shelf next to the couch where we read them. Remotes and repeat videos (workouts and "educational" DVDs) are kept high as close to the couch as possible. Little kids can't reach them, but adults have them handy. Mini computer, wireless keyboard and mouse rest on a shelf over the wall mounted monitor/television. Again, this keeps them high, but handy so we don't waste time looking for peripherals when we could be wasting time watching Youtube! Yoga mats are tucked in next to the couch right where they will be used. The dinner table serves for meals, crafts, and schoolwork. When things have a place that coincides with their purpose, life flows more smoothly.

Process
My journey started with dissatisfaction. I wanted more space and an unspoken prayer was answered simply: Get rid of stuff. The next step was actually chucking some things that nobody cared about. For a long time, we lived in homeostasis. If something came into our home, something else had to leave to make room for it. Gradually, my ideal became only allowing things into my home that we love or use. The further I go down this path, the happier I am with less and less. There is a saying that you can never get enough of what you don't need. I agree. When you have things that you love and use, you can be satisfied with very little. In fact, I'm finding that letting go of tangible things decreases the general pull of the tangible world. I'm not trying to be philosophical. I only mean that letting go of things makes me realize how little I genuinely need and how happy I am without them.

I address process for two main reasons. First, organizing is a cleansing, liberating journey that goes deeper and deeper. You can learn about yourself and redefine yourself. Second, it is a process because, in our modern culture, stuff keeps flowing into our lives. We are regularly confronted with decisions about taking on responsibility for more stuff. No or yes? If yes, why? and where? Simply start small with a drawer or a stack. A few minutes spent sorting and organizing can be a motivating success. Every time you open that drawer, it reminds you of your good work. You may want to spend a little time on smaller projects each day, each week, or a chunk of time once a month tackling larger projects.

Finally, don't let organizing your life get in the way of living. This is a tool to serve you, smooth out your routines and fill your life with people and activities that enlighten, strengthen, and fill your lives with wholesome pleasure.

What is clutter?
*Things you do not use or love
*Things that are untidy or disorganized
*Too many things in too small a space
*Anything unfinished
-Karen Kingston Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui

Ideas and Encouragement
Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui, Karen Kingston (look inside)
Clutter's Last Stand, Dan Aslett
smallnotebook.org
organizedhome.com
ineedmoretime.com


*WarningDo NOT declutter or organize for your spouse! Your example may be inspiring, but chucking somebody else's stuff will NOT simplify your life. For small children, use your best judgment and involve them in the process if possible. This is a good life skill.

Precious Metal

Torpedo chose to wake up early to join me on a grocery shopping trip. While we were there he saw something he really wanted, a king sized Snickers bar. It cost $1.19. I told him that I would buy it for him if he would pay me back with his own money when we got home. He agreed.

I am not a fast shopper, but he held onto that candy bar the whole time. I am also not a purchaser of small quantities. We provision every two weeks. For a family of 7 that fills two shopping carts. Tornado tracked his Snickers on the conveyer belt. It didn't look so king sized in the moving jungle of staple food items. After I finished loading the trunk and backseat with half a month's worth of food, I checked Tornado's seatbelt. He still had his candy bar in hand and it was still wrapped.

"When are you going to eat that candy bar?" I asked.

"When I give you the money for it," Tornado answered.

I assumed he would eat it as soon as the cashier handed it to him. It was paid for. But he knew he hadn't paid for it. Instead of telling him to go ahead an eat it, I supported his instincts and said, "You are an honest boy. You're going to be a wonderful young man someday."

He received the praise and beamed, "Yeah. When I'm a teenager, I'm going to be a ninja!"

As soon as we got home, Torpedo ran for his bank and handed over a pile of nickels, dimes, and a couple of quarters. Then he happily tore into his Snickers. To me, it was precious metal. A boy with that kind of discipline definitely has what it takes to be a ninja!

Sequence

We've been trying dreams on for size over the past several months. In September we spent about a month living on a quiet gravel drive in Cape Cod post high season. My Hero was writing full time and workshopping a new piece. Sliding glass doors into a private yard gave the children a seamless indoor outdoor adventure as they could explore unfettered. A small lakefront beach for catching turtles and chasing minnows or kayakers was just through the woods and a proper front row seat at the Atlantic Ocean was only blocks away. At night we built fires and sang along with My Hero's violin. We absorbed an astonishing number of s'mores. We walked with wild turkeys. Our sweet neighbors brought fresh cut flowers and offered to share their firewood. This dream seemed to fit pretty well, but was un$u$tainable. We had to head home.

I got land fever. It took over two months before I began to be content in the city again. Meanwhile, the total searches at landandfarm.com was boosted by our constant viewing. Still, the idea of living aboard is intoxicating because of the implied simplicity, adventure, and romance. It's been surprisingly difficult to decide between seeds and sails until we discovered a livable solution: sequence. In our hearts, we aren't lifelong vagabonds. We're interested in experience and discovery, but we don't see ourselves sailing for more than a year or two at most. So, we decided to sail first and farm second.

Sticking to our tradition of doing something new on our anniversary, we spent our "Sweet 16" hauling the whole family to Mystic, CT and Portsmouth, RI to look at bluewater cruisers. They got to tour the world's first nuclear submarine and eat donuts as well. Not a bad day for a couple of dreamers.

Guts

"Do you really have the guts to do all the things you say you're going to do? I hear a lot of talk, but I'm not seeing any action. Why don't you just do it?!" Star wants to know. Fourteen year olds are pithy like that.

All the "things" we are yammering about include:

*becoming digital nomads and living out of our van while traveling the world

*ditto on a 30-40 foot sailboat

*homesteading some farmland where we grow our own food, raise some chickens and maybe a cow or goat

*putting a sleek, environmentally friendly, prefabricated house in the middle of a wooded lot where we write daily and spend the rest of the time running the woods like characters from our favorite Gene Stratton Porter books.

These dreams ask should I stay or should I go? At the root they are the same dream of spending the time of our lives in the ways we feel will be most satisfying and significant to our family: independence, travel, nature, creativity. These are all powerful draws. As My Hero said at his workplace this week, "The only thing between anyone and this place is two weeks notice." We've got the itch, the anxious hollow belly feeling that something BIG needs to change. So why don't we just do it? I can answer that with an equation.

The Equation of Progress by innovation expert Bob Moesta.

F1 (push of the situation) + F2 (Pull of the new idea) > F3 (allegiance to current or past behavior) + F4 (anxiety of new solution)

My friend, Whitney, just posted this equation in regards to social media, but as soon as I read it I realized I had the answer to Star's question. The push of our current situation and the pull of our big dreamy ideas is not yet greater than the sum total of our allegiance to our current situation combined with our anxiety about making the necessary changes.

In all fairness, we have spent the last three years learning sailing and recently certified to sail 50 foot boats. We planted seeds this year. We bought rock climbing shoes. We repeatedly decrease our total possessions. We've spent weeks road tripping and even took the kids camping. Our toes are nearly over the edge. Still, a slight decrease in F4 could result in the net guts required to pack our passion and go. I'm not sure how long I'll be working on this equation, but math has never been more engaging.

Insteading

"Distractination," Sparkle's answer as to why she hadn't even begun washing the dinner table in the time the rest of us had completed our chores. Hmmm.... My Hero calls it "insteading." I think we all do it. Sometimes we do something else instead of what's required, expected, or intended. Life is what happens when you're not blogging. This is my Insteading Collage.

Pride and Prejudice

As I was leaving the library yesterday, my eyes happened upon a dominican man in his early thirties sitting absorbed in a slim paperback volume. I glanced at the title, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. It surprised me in a happy ways. First, I'm always happy to discover secret stereotypes lurking in my brain so I can dismiss them. Second, I was happy to hope I may have more in common than I thought, not just with this man but with my fellowman. Lastly, I'm more than a little tickled that Ms. Austen instigated the whole thing. How apropos!